Gavin & Gwen by Theo Patterson

     If the baby's a boy, I think I'll name him Gavin. It's kind of lame since I never heard that name before I listened to Bush. They’re a band. The lead singer's name is Gavin, Gavin Rosedale. He's a great singer, and he's really cute. He's married to Gwen Stefani. She’s a singer, too. They're both beautiful and rich, and they write great songs. I listened to this one song, "Glycerine," like ten thousand times. I used to listen to it every night. I'd put it on repeat and go to bed with my headphones on so I wouldn’t bother my mom. And don't get me started about "I'm just a girl." That's a Gwen Stefani song, a No Doubt song. It's like my anthem. I guess I’m just really into music. So, who knows? Maybe my baby will be a rock star. If it’s a girl, maybe I’ll name her Gwen, but I don’t really like that name. I think I might buy one of those baby naming books, just to see what other names there are.

Of course, that's if I keep the baby. I know I will, but I did think about not keeping it yesterday, just for a second. The only person I told was Elizabeth because she was the only person I saw before I had to get home. She told me I should get an abortion, but I can't imagine doing anything like that. I mean, it's like killing someone, like a little someone, and that’s really fucking gross. I don't even know who came up with that, you know? It's just sick.

            And then there's my mom. I don't know how I'm going to tell my mom. She'll flip out. She'll say "Oh, my God!" Then, she'll keep telling me how old I am, over and over, like she does every time I do something wrong. Like I don't know my own age, my birthday and the year I was born, like I can’t add and subtract.

            And then she'll ask about the father, and that's a problem because I don't know. I really don't know. I could take a guess, a good guess, an "educated guess" like Mr. Smith, my English teacher, likes to say, but I can't be a hundred percent sure. I wouldn’t raise my hand in class if it was a question or anything. And that's a problem too, especially when I start getting big. Because when I get big, a few guys are going to start wondering. But I don't know. I really don't know.

            But it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal when you think about it. I mean, it happens. It's natural and all. I didn't mean it to happen, and I don't know what I was thinking not being more careful, but there you go. There it is. I don't think it'll be all that bad.

            Like, get this, you don't have to go to school after your third trimester. That's when you're six months pregnant. Elizabeth told me that's why nobody sees Andy. Andy's a girl. I think her real name's Alexandra or Alexandria or something like that, but everybody calls her Andy. Maybe because she's a tomboy. I don't know.

Anyway, Doug Beneke knocked her up, and that's why she hasn’t been at school. And Elizabeth tells me that it's all because the school's afraid of getting sued. They're afraid that there'll be a fight in the hall or at lunch or something and somebody'll bump into you, and it'll hurt the baby, and that's like a million dollar lawsuit. So, they don't make you go. They send a teacher to your house with all of your homework and everything. I don't know. You can't really trust Elizabeth. She makes stuff up.

            But I think it's true about Andy and the trimester thing. I haven't seen her around, but people keep saying that they saw her at the mall and the grocery store and stuff, and they say she's big, real big. I guess I'll be big, too.

So, that'll kind of suck, but I will get to eat whatever I want, and that's something to look forward to. I mean, how often does it not matter what you look like? Usually, you have to be pretty or people give you shit. Nobody likes you or does anything for you unless you're skinny and pretty, except when you're pregnant. You gotta get fat when you're pregnant. It's good for the baby. And people will do anything for you when you're pregnant. I mean anything. So, that'll be kind of fun. No school and getting to eat whatever I want and watching TV all the time. That doesn't sound too bad to me. And then I'll be a mom. I can't even imagine, you know. It's like, unbelievable. There's something growing inside of me.